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Category Archives: Letters

This is a special edition of Thankful Thursday, birthed out of a writing prompt from the National Writing Project Annual Meeting.  The direction was to take a moment to write a thank you to our writing mentors in the project.  I, of course, DID NOT follow the directions and instead wrote to my very first writing mentor.

Dear Mom,
You were my very first writing mentor.

You put books into my mind before I was old enough to hold them in my own hands. You took me to the library and let me read whatever I wanted just for the pleasure of reading. Even when it meant I only read Sweet Valley High and Babysitters Club. You had faith that I’d grow out of those books, that I’d grow up into richer things.

Thank you for giving me crisp notebooks to fill and for always reading my poems, even the really dreadful rhyming ones.  Maybe especially those ones.

You were careful with criticism and generous with praise, honeyed words that drew me back to the blank page time and again.

Thank you for understanding that my first language is the written word and for speaking it to me fluently in notes in my lunch box, birthday cards, post cards when you were away and hosts of other scraps of your writing that I’ve squirreled away.

Those scraps of paper have bound me into the writer I am today.  You were the first person to call me a writer and I’m starting to believe you.

I walk this earth, from the sunny skies of California to the humid heat of Africa, I walk with my pen in hand and a blank notebook because I am a writer.

I am a writer in large part because you first spoke that word over me.

Thanks, Mom.


Dear Lance Armstrong,

You’ve been quoted recently saying you’ve had a bit of a rough week.  I’ll say.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to add to it.  Am I glad all the doping in the cycling world is coming to light?  Yes, yes I am.  I love the sport of cycling and I look forward to the day when I can love it for its purity.

I’ve read a lot of articles on you this week, Lance, and a singular thought keeps rising to the surface: Thank God I’m not famous.  I’m profoundly grateful I don’t live a life where my mistakes are broadcast to the world, where the publicity of those mistakes negates any good I’ve done.

Whether you doped or not, whether you lied about it or not, whether or not you deserve your Tour de France wins or not-frankly I’m not interested in being the judge on any of those fronts.  Judgement doesn’t birth healing.  Truth does.  I can’t attest to what the truth is in any of those situations, but this is a truth I know: LiveStrong has helped many of my loved ones who have battled the beast of cancer.  For that I’ll always be grateful.

It appears that you’ve hit bottom, although you said yourself last week that you’ve had worse days.  So perhaps this isn’t rock bottom, but I think it may be close.  I like what Anne LaMott has to say about grace and mercy.  ”Mercy is that we don’t get what we deserve. Grace is that we get what we so don’t deserve.”  I wish you measures of mercy and grace this week because if I were in your shoes, mercy and grace are the things that would make me take a step in the right direction.  You’ve got a great opportunity to decide what’s next in your life and, frankly, I hope you’re looking up because watching you climb has always been exhilarating.

Kind regards,

Alicia


Dear Every Cyclist in the World,

You delight me, absolutely delight me.  I’d kiss you all on the mouth give you all a nice hearty pat on the back if I could.

Yesterday That Laura and I went for a flat spin along the beautiful Keswick Reservoir.  It was to be a short ride, a ride just for the pure joy of riding.  It was a thing of beauty.  The sky was blue, mirrored by the water.  We set off in shorts and short-sleeved jerseys.

image courtesy of happehtheory.com

About five miles from the end of the ride, Laura rode over a freakishly pointy rock that bit into her rear tire.  The tire fizzled out and we pulled to the side to change the tube, meaning That Laura replaced the tube while I held stuff for her and said “Good job!”.  I am excellent at holding stuff.

Here’s the part where you come into the story, Every Cyclist.  Every single one of you who pedaled by asked if we had everything we needed.

We did.

Many of you also asked if we needed help.

We didn’t.

But darn it all, Every Cyclist, if you didn’t make my heart grow two sizes that day.  You are the best of humanity, I’m sure of it.  Offering to help is a foundational tenet of the Sacred Cyclist’s Code.  Every Cyclist, it’s with a big smile that I say you did our sport proud yesterday.

I look forward to returning the favor.


Dear Uninvited Chin Hair,

Just who do you think you are showing up as I wiped grains of sleep from my eyes and stared blearily into the bathroom mirror?  At first I thought you were an errant head hair that somehow landed underneath my chin in the middle of the night, but no, when I went to brush you away, you stayed there in all your black, curly horror.

How long have you been sneaking along underneath there, coiling underneath my chin until you reached a full centimeter or two in length?  Surely you didn’t grow that much overnight.  Just how many days have I unknowingly been The Bearded Lady?

Image by Bridgette at brigetteb.blogspot.com

Admittedly, an apology on my part is in order for the profane names I spewed at you as I tried in vain to remove you.  In my defense you were a tenacious little sucker, claiming your turf through two tweezing attempts and only finally giving way on my third and final tweezing.

Sadly, Evil Chin Hair, I am well acquainted with unwanted facial hair including an errant head hair that springs out of my right eyebrow.  Chin Hair, I am not one to be trifled with.  I will bust out the wax and demolish you and any of your unsuspecting cousins who just so happen to be innocently meandering between my chins.  So you tell ‘em I’m coming and hell’s coming with me!

Sorry, I watched Tombstone the other day and have a tendency to get a little carried away.

The point, Chin Hair, is that I’m standing tiptoe on the edge of 35 and I just can’t be sprouting unwanted patches of hair for at least another ten years.  So kindly pack up your follicles and leave at your earliest convenience.  Meanwhile, I’ll be stocking up on waxed strips and keeping vigil against your nefarious sneak attacks.

Sincerely,

Your Huckleberry


Dear Friend,

I bought you a tree today.

It’s a Zelkova Serrata, a tree known for strength and resistance to disease. As I ran my hand down the gray trunk, I thought of you and how hard it must have been to say goodbye, to let your father go. I thought of how quickly cancer consumed his strength.

There aren’t words to express how sorry I am for you. Every word feels meager in the pallid face of such staggering grief.

Thankfully when there aren’t words, there are trees.

The Zelkova Serrata can grow to be 100 feet tall with a crown that stretches wide to provide shady relief in the heat of Summer. In Spring it has pale yellowish green flowers.

The Zelkova Serrata is known by furniture makers for the beauty in its bold grain, but I think its real beauty comes in Fall when it covers the ground in a blush of red, yellow and purple leaves.

You’ve wanted this tree for some time and it’s fitting then that there was only one of these trees available in the whole city. One singular tree. Your tree. Tall and full of healthy buds ready to wake from dormancy.

I put the top down in my car and drove the tree to your house, my hair and the branches whipping in the wind. We were quite a sight, me and your tree sitting tall in my Mini Cooper. The man at the nursery tied a plastic red flag to one of the branches and as I drove to you I could see the red flag snapping in my rearview mirror like a lone prayer flag.

Sadness was etched in your face today, dear friend, and I felt silly as I stared at my shoes and explained that I’d brought you a tree.

The tree houses my wishes for you.

I wish that it provides cool shade and respite. I wish that months from now, when your grief has begun to ease, you’ll delight in the beauty of its colors. I wish that when you look out at the tree, you’ll remember the love between you and your dad, love that is strong, love that is impervious to disease and death. And each spring as new buds press out through the branches, I wish that you find renewed strength.

I bought you a tree today. And somehow in my cavernous lacking of the right words to comfort you, the silent branches of the tree said it all for me.

With love,
Your friend and a tree


Dear Girl Scouts of America,
Let me begin by saying I’m a big, BIG fan. I love your uniforms and your sashes covered in bright patches for doing things that make our world a better place. And I’m not at all jealous of those patches, which make the nine patches I earned as a wee Brownie look unimpressive. Nope, not at all jealous. Or bitter.

In fact I have fond memories of dressing up in my Brownie regalia and singing about gold and silver friends.  Although to tell you the truth, my friends don’t actually like it when I point out that they’re only a silver friend.  That would have been a helpful verse.

Make new friends,

but keep the old.

Be sure not to tell the silvers

they’re not gold.

Speaking of brownies, I love any organization that lets you start out being called a sweet treat. In fact it’s a trend I think you should continue up the ranks. First you’re a Brownie, then a Samoa, then a Thin Mint, etc., until you reach the pinnacle of your Girl Scoutness and become at long last a hallowed Tagalong, by far the most superior of all your cookies.

image courtesy of lightgreenstairs.com

It’s your cookies that have prompted me to write this letter.  I love the cookies.  I ate some for breakfast this morning after a well-balanced dinner, of course.  I have just one teensy, tiny problem with the cookies: the serving sizes on the boxes are wrong.  I’m not sure who’s in charge of the packaging, but they need to spend some time crunching numbers and crunching some cookies.  It is a well-known fact that a serving size of Thin Mints is one sleeve.  Equally well-known is the fact that a box of Tagalongs is a single serving in itself.  Please, darling Girl Scouts, speak to the powers that be and remedy this misinformation quickly.  I’m sure this extremely important act of public service will earn you a shiny new patch for your sash.

Sincerely,

Alicia McCauley, former Brownie


I’m writing over here this week and loved this prompt about apologies.  If you write your own apology, be sure to leave a link to it in the comments section so we can all enjoy it, too.

Dear Terry,

I’m sorry that I never, ever remember to pick up my paycheck at the close of each month.  I’m sorry that I also fail to recall which day is trash day.  I’m sorry that my feet are always cold underneath the covers.  I’m sorry that I sing all the wrong words to songs.  I’m sorry that I’m terribly bad at math.

Thank you for telling me every month that I’m great at my job and reminding me that I actually get paid for it.  Thank you for just shaking your head and laughing at the overflowing trash cans on the side of our house.  Thanks for singing with me every morning in the bathroom and giggling at my artistic license with the lyrics.  Thank you for pressing your warm skin to my frigid toes.  Most of all, thank you for excelling in math, but never adding up all my flaws.

Love,

Alicia


Dear 16 Year Old Me,

If I had the ability to travel back in time, here are some things I’d tell ya:

  • Don’t worry about the fact that you are flat chested.  This actually turns out to be a good thing later in life.  No, really.
  • Being tall is way better than you think.
  • A magical electronic device called the flat iron will take care of that whole nest of curls you fight every morning.
  • Your “summer boyfriend” will become your best friend, your husband, the love of your life.  You are at the beginning of a wonderful love story.
  • Call your Grandma.  You’ll be glad you did.
  • The top of the old water tower outside of Tijuaua will become one of your favorite places of all time.  Take a picture of the view.  You’ll wish you could remember it in sharp detail when you’re older.
  • You are stronger than you think, but it’s okay to let your guard down once in awhile.
  • You will be an athlete.  It’s okay that you don’t believe me.  Sometimes I don’t believe it either.
  • Your life will have some moments like this:

(Sorry, but birds hate you.  Just accept the fact that they poop on you now and again.)

  • But most of your life will be like this:

You are at the start of a great life filled with friends, love, laughter, and adventure.  Hang on tight because life is fast and it’s never dull.

Love,

33 Year Old Me

P.S.-Be nicer to your little brother.  He turns out to be a pretty decent guy.


Dear Little One,

You are amazing.

Today you told the class a story of a little boy and a little girl who put on magical star-shaped glasses.  When they put the glasses on, they became twinkle stars in the sky.  Their mothers spent the day looking for them everywhere, but their children were nowhere to be found.  That night the mothers looked into the sky and wished on a star that their children would return home.  When the mothers made the wish, the little boy and girl became shooting stars.  The fell back to Earth and landed in the arms of their mothers.

Little one, I am amazed at your ability to invent such a creative, magical, poignant story.  As I click away at my own story this month, I am inspired by you.

I hope you heard me, really heard me, when I told you what an amazing storyteller you are.  Just in case you didn’t, I’m going to tell you again tomorrow.  And the next day.  And the next day.  And all the days after that.

And tonight when I look up at the stars and think about things I’m thankful for, you are going to be at the top of my list, Little Star Girl.

Love you bunches,

Mrs. McCauley


Dear Little One,

Yesterday I finished reading “Charlotte’s Web” to you.  The sad part of the book was approaching and I wrestled the lump in my throat until it sat low where it could not possibly escape.  It matters little that I read this book every year, E.B. White’s writing gets me every single time.  I loved this book as a kid and, if it’s possible, I love it even more as an adult.

I was doing a fine job of keeping that lump down and my eyes were only watering a little bit as I read about Wilbur leaving Charlotte to die alone.  Hang on a sec, I just need to stop typing and get a tissue.  Ahem. Anyway, I was doing a decent job of keeping things under control until I heard a sob from your direction.  I looked over and saw tears dribbling from your brown eyes, down your cheeks, and onto your desk.  In a quivering voice you said, “It’s just so sad, Mrs. McCauley, it’s just so sad.”  I could not agree more, Little One.  You got up to get a tissue and several girls followed, dabbing at their eyes.  The little boys wiped their eyes on shirtsleeves and for a minute we just sat there in our sadness.  I waited, pushing that lump back down, brushing my tears away with my fingertips.  I waited until we were all done blowing our noses and wiping our eyes.  And then I read on until we reached the happy end when the spiderlings hatch and life renews itself.  We talked about the book and moved on with our afternoon, but you were too sad to sing, too sad to do math, too sad to read any other books.  You put your head down and I rubbed your back when I walked by your desk.  Later you took out your notebook and drew spider webs.

Today we watched the movie Charlotte’s Web.  Before we watched it, we talked about how it’s okay to cry when you’re sad.  You and some of the others pulled out wads of tissue before the movie began.  And just in case I needed it, you stuffed a tissue in my hand, too.  The movie made us laugh and cry.  And it was good.  During the movie, you wrote in your notebook.  You wrote about how much you love Charlotte.  You drew her dangling from her web and told me about how she still lives in your heart.

Little One, I love that you wear your heart on your sleeve.  I love that you are moved by the written word.  I love that you work your sadness out with a pencil and paper.  To paraphrase a certain spider, you are some kid.  Long after you leave first grade, long after you graduate high school, long after you raise children of your own, I will remember this day because you, Little One, will still live in my heart.

Love,

Mrs. McCauley


Dear Little One,

You were the best part of my day.  You finished your work and  sprawled on the rug with your notebook.  Last year’s Easter dress ballooned around you and one of your silver glittery ballet shoes slipped off your foot as you moved onto your stomach to write.  I watched you write, sweet little princess.  Your eyebrows gathered together, your mouth sounded out each word carefully.  Other kids plopped on the rug with their notebooks, but you didn’t even notice.  I wondered what it was that had captured your attention so dramatically.  As I moved around the room, my eyes kept flicking over to you.  You never took your gaze off the page.

It came time for Author’s Chair.  To my delight you sat at the rug, notebook in the crook of your lap, and raised your hand.  Anticipation tingled in my veins.  You began to read about missing your granddad.  You wrote about wishing he was still here with you.  My heart lurched because I know what it means to miss someone with that kind of urgency.  Oh, yes, I know it like I know the flecks of gold in Terry’s eyes, like I know the sound of my mother’s voice.

Your last line cut deep.  ”I wish I had something to remember him by.”  You blinked back tears and I was blinking them back right along with you.  I think we all were. When you finished, a flurry of hands shot up, not to be the next reader, but to share about losing a loved one.  You gave us that moment and for that I’m grateful.

I know you wish you had something to remember your Granddad by, something to hold in your hands or rub against your cheek.  I wish I could give that something to you.  But, Little One, let me just say that you created something to remember him by today.

Love,

Mrs. McCauley


Dear Little One,

You are so timid, so fragile, like you are made from hollowed eggshells.  The computer makes you cry.  The bathroom makes you cry.  Talking makes you cry.  You fog up your tiny glasses with rushes of hot tears.  I didn’t even know that was possible.  You dart your eyes away from mine and have never made eye contact.  I think your goal each day is to be invisible.

Our goodbye routine is always a high-five.  Never a hug.  Never a smile.  And when our palms meet, I can’t help but notice yours is trembling.  I think your tiny twig arms tremble like that all the time.

Yesterday, after our standard goodbye high-five, I asked you “Are we ever going to hug?”

You looked at the wall.

“I’ve got a hug waiting for you when you want it.”  I smiled.

“Tomorrow.”, you said, hurrying to the coat rack to retrieve your backpack.  You wear your backpack in front, like a shield, and I wonder what it is you’re protecting yourself from.

Today I thought all day long about how you’d choose to say goodbye.  Would you offer your wavering palm?  Or maybe, just maybe, would you drop your guard enough to let me hug you?

The end of the day arrived and you opened your arms and stretched them toward me.  They were shaking.  Your whole body was shaking.  I hugged you tight and undoubtedly too long.

I let you go and you took a step toward the coat rack.  And then you looked back at me.  You looked me in the eye and said “See you tomorrow, Mrs. McCauley.”

“See you tomorrow.” I replied, unsuccessfully fighting back tears.  Little one, I promise to see you, really see you, every day, especially on days when you are willing yourself into invisibility behind your glasses.

Let go of your fear.  Put down your shield.  I am safe.  I will not break you, sweet little one made of eggshells.  My arms are open to you.  Be brave, little one, brave enough to open yours again.

Love,

Mrs. McCauley


Dear Little One,

Today I sat down next to you to see how your writing was going.  You were writing a letter to a friend.  You winked at me and told me you’d put one in my mailbox, too.  Actually, you haven’t learned how to wink yet, but you blinked with purpose and I got your drift.

You stopped writing for a moment, cupped my face with both of your hands and said “I just love you, Mrs. McCauley.”  And then you hugged my neck.  You smiled and I saw the window where you’d lost your first tooth.  I hugged you and left you to finish your letter.

After school I had to deal with an angry parent.  And then I had to deal with a student who is being untrustworthy.  I left school drained of all joy.

And then I thought of you.

I thought of your little smile, your little hands, and your big heart.  You are the reason I teach, little one.  Thank you for reminding me.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll teach you how to wink.

Love,

Mrs. McCauley


Dear Nose,

It is completely unfair that you have chosen this particular time to be stuffy and thus rob me of a full week of inhaling the fresh scent of my Christmas tree.  I am over you and your sliming sinuses.  Please leave post haste.

Sincerely,

Me & the tree

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Dear Tomato Soup,

You are divine.  If you were a person, I’d kiss your tangy red lips.  You and your friend the grilled cheese sandwich make a lovely couple.  See you soon.

Fondly,

The One in the Pajamas Wandering the Kitchen

————————————————————————————————-

Dear Marisa De Los Santos,

You are a beautiful writer.  Even though I finished Love Walked In a full week ago, I think about it daily.  Not the story so much, but your delicate, dead on phrasing.  I don’t usually read books over again, but I’d be lying if I didn’t confess that I want to read that one a second time straight away.  You inspire me to write while also recognizing I will never write with your poignancy.

Sincerely,

An Awestruck Fan

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Dear E! Network,

I am not interested in keeping up with the Kardashians, the Girls Next Door, or anyone else famous for being famous.  The mere sight of such shows on the channel guide makes me want to pitch my remote at my tv, Telemundo.  For the well being of my television, please cease and desist all shows not prominently featuring Joel McHale.

Muchas gracias,

Yo y telemundo


It happened.  My first rejection letter darkened my inbox this week.  I submitted an article to a journal and truly, truly, truly I did it to get over the fear of actually sending something off for consideration.  Well, let me tell you, I am exquisitely good at lying to myself.  When I saw the message in my inbox, my heart flipped and fluttered at the sheer prospect of my piece being published.  I opened the e-mail and as quickly as it flipped and fluttered, my little heart sank.  I swear I felt it drop down to my stomach.  I didn’t know how badly I wanted to be accepted.  Until I wasn’t.

I have included my rejection letter sans identifying information because I love this journal even though it doesn’t love me back.  After you read it, don’t go firing off comments about how rejection is part of being a writer.  I know that.  Being stung is part of being a beekeeper, but it still hurts a little bit.  For your benefit, I have translated editor speak into regular people language.

Ms. McCauley,
Thank you for your submission.  We’d run out of toilet paper and it was the perfect substitute. The editors have read and considered your piece and, unfortunately, will not be able to publish it.  Because you are a ghastly writer and your overzealous use of sentence fragments made the editors want to claw their eyes out. The current editorial team is currently coming to the end of its tenure and the few remaining slots have all been filled with other pieces.  No way in hell were the current editors going to publish drivel like that in their swan song issue.  Seriously, no way. We are sorry we can’t offer you better news, but we just can’t because your writing is that bad, and we are sorry for the significant delay in getting you this decision as the editors made their difficult choices, but we had to allow enough time to pass it around the office so that everyone including the UPS man could mock both you and your article, but we wish you all the best as you continue your writing, if that’s what you’re calling it.  And please stop calling it that. Thank you for your interest in our journal. We hope you will enjoy reading pieces by writers who are by far your superior.

Editorial Assistant, the one who drew the short straw and had to figure out a polite way to tell you that your writing is dreadful.  Maybe you should consider a career at Safeway.  By the way, your outfit sucks, too.  I haven’t seen it, but I’m confident that it does.



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